I'll Be Home For Christmas

Last Sunday, I drove my boyfriend, David, to the local airport so he could fly home for the holidays. On the drive there, I was very moody and upset. Nearing our destination, I broke down and started crying. I apologized to David and told him I wasn't mad at him, I was just sad.

I am not able to go home for Christmas this year. I do not have the money and can not afford the time off of work. I need every hour I can get of paid time. Not going home might not be so bad if I was here with David for the holiday, but he isn't going to be here. So, my sadness grew.

Fortunately, I have family in Oregon. My sister, Valerie is just over an hour away. I plan to spend my Christmas this year with her and her family. Her in-laws have graciously extended the invitation to me. This makes me feel very cared for. I appreciated it more than I know how to express. Even still, I'm sad.

Oddly enough, this is not my first Christmas without family. One year I couldn't make the two hour drive to my parents' house because I had to work both Christmas Day and the following morning. I spent that Christmas with my friend Jess and her family. I fit in because they are just as wacky as my own family!

So, perhaps it's just knowing that most of my family is so much further away this year. Maybe it has to do with the disappointment of not having the time or money to travel home. It might be the fact that my best friend, David, won't be here to spend it with. I'm not sure what is making this year so much more difficult. But I know that the song "I'll Be Home For Christmas" has never stung the way it does today.